My week has been a whirlwind of activity. I cannot think of a single day in which I had time to rest, never mind write!
I can feel my mind becoming overloaded. Manic bursts of energy followed by pure exhaustion. Days rush past with unnatural speed. Tight cracking jaw, the frustrating insistence of a tension headache. Thoughts rush with anxious urgency then vanish with the next task. Pin pricks of guilt. Forgotten obligations.
I need space.
I need silence.
I am a creature of habit, or perhaps more accurately, habit and routine are important aspects of my recovery. The times in my life when my routine is disrupted, inevitably lead to heightened anxiety.
That has not changed through my recovery. What has changed is the way I deal with that anxiety. I now know that the worst thing I can do is isolate myself by hiding my feelings, either by throwing myself into a project or sitting for hours (or even days) in front on the TV blocking out all thoughts, negative or positive.
The biggest struggle I have is recognising the difference between being anxious and stressed, due to a situation, and slipping back into depression. I keep having to remind myself that it is a perfectly normal to feel negative emotions and it does not mean that I am slipping.
With that in mind I am not going to give myself a hard time about missing out a few days of writing and posting. I can and will get my routine back on track.
Today I wrote the Crafty Sew & So blog post which will be published tomorrow morning. On Sunday I plan to get stuck back into my novel. Even if it’s just for an hour.
Wish me luck.
Today’s word count: 389