Mindfulness has never sat easy with me. A mix of boredom and frustration. Grounding techniques and being mindful of my environment can help with anxiety and panic attacks. However, as a long term coping strategy I shy away from it, I struggle to figure out the difference between noticing a thought and thinking about a thought. I’ve also a sneaking suspicion I may have ADHD, maybe if I receive a diagnosis and treatment for that, meditation and mindfulness may come a little easier, however for now i am trying something new.
My husband has learnt hypnotherapy in an attempt to control severe IBS symptoms. From what I understand it’s all about visualising safe, happy or calm places. It starts the same as mindfulness, scan the body, feel the surface beneath you and let your muscles loosen. Listening to piano music stops me getting distracted by outside stimuli and helps with relaxation, I also use sleep-mode as a rough timer. When I’m comfortable I visualise a place of perfect calm, mine is a cosy nook open to the air but protected beneath a canopy, beyond are trees whipping in the wind, rain pounding and lightning splitting the sky. From there I let my mind wonder. Rainbow rain turns pine trees iridescent, Stepping stones form in the air and lead me to a family of feathered dragons. I’ve caught stars in black waters, flown to the moon and landed in a bed of clouds. Perfect safe fantasies that sooth my mind and feed my imagination. I find myself looking forward to doing these exercises, particularly when I have anxiety spikes or simply feeling overwhelmed.
My next post will most likely be about the current chapter of Me and White Supremacy, White Silence. I knew this would be a difficult one as soon as I heard the title. So much of the previous chapters I have noted my silence as the problem and not my words. I defend my guilt and silence by assuming I am powerless so my words do not matter. I’m only part way through the chapter but already have pages of notes.
Thanks for reading folx, stay safe if you can
Today I wrote 358 words
Yesterday I wrote 427 words