Pause

It’s just a quick one today, I’m exhausted. Since the death of George Floyd and the calls for action I have thrown myself into the Black Lives Matter movement. I really don’t want this to come across as feeling sorry for myself or patting myself on the back. Any depression anxiety or frustration I am feeling is a tiny amount compared to those who have been the subject of systematic racism.

If you have been following me for any amount of time you’ll know I suffer from mental illness. I’ve felt my mind and body fraying the past few days. That familiar numbness. I need to take time to care for myself. For my own health I need to take a pause from replying to my racist relatives and those who espouse hateful or ignorant statements.

I have seen posts which emphasise that this is a marathon and not a sprint. Sometimes when I feel out of control I try and do everything all at once to try and ‘fix’ what is wrong. This is far from reasonable and can be harmful for my mental health. That’s why I plan. Without a plan I am lost, either laying in bed all day or fully focused on one project. By scheduling time in my week to put toward making a positive change I can ensure I can be an ally for the rest of my life instead of only until I burn out. I hope this doesn’t seem selfish, or that I’m treating the Black Lives Matter Movement like a hobby. I know being able to turn away from the hate is a privilege BIPOC people do not have.

Thanks for reading. If I have come across as tone deaf, insensitive or disparaging in any way please let me know and I will endeavour to do better in the future.

Today I wrote 845 words

Rest is not the enemy of change. It is one part of its fuel

Cassandra Corrado, @feministsexed

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