Simultaneously feeling isolated and overwhelmed. Out at a meal today I had the tightening of a dread knot in my stomach, clumsy words and an intense desire to leave the table and never return. I’ve not felt this way in a while. This morning I didn’t find any joy in writing my novel. Uncomfortable and anxious at the epic task ahead of me.
There are a plethora of reasons I could be feeling this way. I will always jump to the worst conclusion; My depression has returned with a vengeance and I will feel this way forever. However, it is far more likely that my busy week has left me feeling just a little run down. Not to mention a dramatic bus ride home in which I hugged a crying little girl as her drunken dad picked a fight.
I’ve avoided practising mindfulness and pilates, two activities that force me to pause in the day. Instead, I’ve been bulldozing through, sidestepping any silence. I have a check list for such scenarios.
- Tell the husband and support network
- Figure out what I’m feeling and why
- Practice self-care
- If things do not improve go to the doctor
- Address pressures and anxieties
- Look at Schedule to make sure I’m not pushing myself too hard.
- practise good sleep hygiene
- Eat regular healthy meals and snacks
- Keep to a consistent routine
- Leave the house at least once a day
- Practice Mindfulness
Word count since the last post: 1209
Today’s word count: 365
The antibiotics are working my chest is getting clearer and writing is getting easier. I’m onto a scene in which the plot and characters are similar if not the same as my previous drafts. Super short post but keeping that wordcount going
Today’s Wordcount: 334
I am once again on antibiotics for a chest infection and steroids for my asthma. This is my morning lot of medication.
However, I have been able to work a fair bit on my novel. I’ve made a little rewards chart for wordcount goal I reach. For the first 2100 words, I get a little reward for every 100 words. including, sharpening new pencils, buying a pack of Veggie Percy Pigs and having a bubble bath with scented candles. After that it’s rewards after every 200 words, then every 300 words. That should get me up to 10,000 words of my revised draft by new years.
As most of my ‘writing’ is editing and making small adjustments I am using
strikethrough instead of deleting so I can count my cutting as writing!
Today’s Wordcount: 618
This week’s word count: 1119
Oh yes, I’m feeling much better. My Asthma’s calmed down and I’m sure the side effects of steroids won’t even affect me anymore. I’ll be perfectly fine to go to Pride. Not even a big deal!
Oh dear god I’m going to die!
It turns out that having a weak throat from asthma then shouting for prolonged periods, of time due to the rocking beats at pride, leads to a particularly sore throat. My body is completed shattered. I will always underestimate how much asthma affects me.
But on the other hand….I had an awesome time! I regret nothing! I’m still finding glitter in my hair and buzzing from the fair rides.
I even managed to get a few words down today, in-between naps.
Today’s Wordcount (including yesterdays post): 565
Today has been a sleeping day. I had a mild asthma attack last night and like a good little patient, followed my asthma plan, and headed to the doctor’s this morning. I’ve started my course of steroids which bring a whole lot of side effects added to the exhaustion of asthma.
So yes I am grumpy and frustrated. Grustrated?
I did manage a bit of plotting today. Essentially just typing up notes but it still counts.
Today’s Wordcount: 221