Why do I avoid Writing?

Today I wrote the second scene in a chapter. It’s far from perfect but I’m relatively happy with it. I still need to get to know this character a little more to be happy with the writing.  I’ve got the substance done now, it’s just the style I want to work on. I find it incredibly difficult to leave a section alone. However I know if I keep trying to edit throughout this draft I will never actually have a completed novel.

That being said, I managed to spend most of the day avoiding writing. I even sent boring work emails and tidied before sitting down at my computer. It was six o’clock by the time I actually began writing. I honestly do not understand why my brain does this to me. I love writing, I hate tidying.

In reality there is a simple explanation.

I feel pressure to write.

Because I feel pressure I will avoid thinking about writing and hope the words will magically appear

Avoidance can only last so long.

The end of the day nears and words I realise the words have not magically appeared.

I feel guilty and tired. I then avoid thinking about my novel some more.

Today I managed to break that cycle by actually writing before it got too late. it feels good to have gotten a little down. It would be a lot easier if I could have done this earlier in the day. It’s pretty exhausted avoiding things all day. It makes my stomach hurt.

I have been a little wobbly over the past couple of days and every little ‘failure’ has felt overwhelming.  I did not go into work today. The day in has helped me feel a little more centred and in control. Handily I received my Buddy Box the other day which has lots of lovely helpful bits in it. Also a couple of friends have sent me really lovely messages.

Thanks for reading, it helps me feel less alone.

 Today’s Word count: 674

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